The Family In the 21st Century

Marriage is the beginning... Or is it constitution?

Marriage is all about family. About starting one, about continuing a name, a particular group of people, our species-the family of humankind. Of course individuals may have more personal and emotional reasons to get married but as a society the deep underlying reasons behind the institution of marriage are related to survival, stability and continuity. These are manifested in the traditional societies such as ours.

The 20th century had a cataclysmic effect on traditional concepts that had lasted centuries. For better or worse, our world has changed. As has the place of the individual. We live in an age where the individual both has greater possibilities than ever before as well as greater responsibilities and challenges. It is perhaps one of the greatest dilemmas of our times-how to maintain the fragile balance between individual and social rights. The relationship of individuals with their family is part of this crucial question because the concept of 'family' plays a pivotal role in the development of societies, though perhaps not always in the way envisaged by traditionalist and politicians, both who tend towards a more simplistic vision than is proved by reality. The latter especially, like to make use of so called traditional concepts to create a docile population-imitating to some extent, the patriarchal head of the family(which is reason enough to question received ideas and patterns of behaviour). Since the smallest unit of a society is the individual-it seems logical to say that the healthier this unit is, the healthier will be the society created from it-basically the democratic viewpoint(in their at least). Strangely, throughout history, this has not proved a popular belief! Institutions, individuals and political leaders in general, seem to prefer submissive obedience to thinking beings that might actually require accountability.

In the turbulent time we live in, can we, or our children, afford to be individuals that can be easily manipulated? Can the old family roles hold up? How do we hold on the things we cherish while letting go of that which may hinder development? And how do you we distinguish between the two? Core values may be unchanging but habits, actions, roles cannot remain stagnant. That is the biggest challenge facing parents- how to equip their children to face a world of increasing change, high pressure competition, variable boundaries, etc, while still retaining a strong sense of roots and values. that is why it is essential to question and reexamine what family is all about. One of the major strengths characterising the extended and joint family is the enormous emotional and physical support system it offers. Also of especially of importance is the rich interconnection between the generations and the place that young, old and everyone in between have. However social and economic changes have meant that middle class families are more common, and naturally with reduction in hierarchy, individuals, especially children, have a lot more freedom than hitherto was possible. this has the potential to create stronger, more independent individuals but the observe of this is could be a tendency to be more selfish. And it can be harder to raise your children and look after the elderly. Even the most loving individual may find their resources strained-not just materially but emotionally. If the individual is sublimated to the needs of the family, will the individual be 'successful' in the world, will they even survive? If the individual ruthlessly pursues success, will the family survive? This comes up again and again in today's world-even if the issue is not always clearly recognisable. This is demonstrated by the time and effort individuals have to put into their career or even an ordinary job as compared to the time they have to spend with their family.

The other major continuing change, is of course, the role of women at home and out there in the work place. the relationship of the women to each other and other members in the family is a crucial factor in the changing face of family life and needs to be explored and accessed in new and meaningful ways. No individual(male or female) today can or should purely be defined by the position they hold in the family. There is always something more to you than being a mother, brother, daughter or wife, however valid and important these are. Yet those relationships are what bring joy to our life so we need to nurture the self that is individual as well as the self that is a family member. The answers are not to be found readymade but have to be lived our by us. Marriage and family today has the potential to be richer and more rewarding as well as more challenging.

Change is inevitable. If we rest in the complacency of our beliefs of a superior way of life that existed in the past or refuse to face reality as it is, we lose our chase to participate and shape the direction the family of the 21st century is going to take. The family is worth preserving, it is up to us to keep it alive and well-and growing.