Binding Families Together With Daughter

While weddings are by and large happy occasions celebrating the coming together of the young bride and groom, a lot of other emotions are prevalent at these events. Weddings bring together two families with their diverse thinking and customs. In the close contact that ensues emotions tend to run high.

This is a time for hopes and fears, a time for nostalgia and pride. And beyond all else, with elaborate weddings costing what they do, there is a sense of monetary pressure. With all these emotions in the air the situation could well get out of hand. Tempers run high and emotions run deep. It is perhaps for this very purpose, that Indian wedding caremonies incorporate a variety of games and humourous by play to diffuse the situation. From region to region and community to community these differ but in the end they are all aimed at providing light relief and amusement. Laughter they say has healing properties and a good laugh can often clear the air. There is absolutely no doubt that laughter is an important aspect of the wedding ritual.

During traditional Punjabi weddings, at the completion of the baraat the male relatives on both sides hug each other and get acquainted. While this goes on, the female relatives of the girl sing or recite sithanis-verses replete with humour and satire. These verses poke fun at the boy's family, but are taken lightly and everyone enjoys a good laugh.

In some Tamil weddings a type of ducking is sometimes prevalent. Turmeric coloured water is prepare and thrown over everyone. Today a mere sprinkle suffices as a symbolic gesture. Marriages at times were contracted amidst wordy duels and the sprinkling is believed to cool tempers. During the toran bandana in Rajasthan, the bride traditionally attacked the groom with a sword. If he survived, he was allowed to marry her. With the change in times the bride now symbolically attacks the groom with garlands of the choicest sweets! This is humorous event with all the family looking on. The Ahom tribal wedding has its own rather interesting caremony. After some initial rituals, the bride and groom exchange knives. Then they each hide a ring in a basket of uncooked rice. The purpose of this ritual is to hunt for and find the others ring which is subsequently worn on the finger. It is this exchange of rings and knives that is the binding part of the wedding caremony. Other small by-plays like hiding the groom's shoes or rolling coconuts add to the general mood of fun at the wedding. These rituals punctuate the actual caremony allowing everybody a good laugh and a chance to clear the air. In the Gujarathi tradition, the bride's mother tries to pull the groom's nose when he comes to the door. If she doesn't , it is believed that he will keep his distance from the family.

In an interesting twist, some wedding caremonies allow any lady on the bride's side it pull the groom's nose. He retaliates by grabbing hold of the pallu of her sari. If he succeeds, he can demand compensation. Compensation, usually in the form of money plays a major role in many wedding by plays. Even in the north Indian custom of hiding the groom's shoes, he has to pay for their return. The purpose is not so much the compensation actually received but the asking and the receiving, which happens in the midst of much fun and laughter. It also gives family members a chance to get acquainted with each other. When the groom in the Sindhi wedding goes to pick up the bride, they each put forward their right foot and wrestle to see whose foot goes above. The one whose foot stays on top is believed to be one who will rule the home.

In the Assamese tradition, the groom takes a caremonial bath and then heads to the bride's house. Fistfuls of rice are thrown at him to ward off any evil spirits that accompany him. However this usually results in a free for all, as everyone is pelted by the rice.

Another stage at which humourous by-plays are introduced is at time when the bride and groom go home. This is usually a particularly poignant moment when, according to tradition the bride leaves her home for her husband's.

In some weddings, the bride and groom play with a ring. The ring is placed in a broad vessel filled with water, milk or sometimes vermillion coloured water. Both try to grab the ring and even snatch it from each other's hands. This is undoubtedly a fine icebreaker in an emotionally charged atmosphere. In some customs, the bridal couple play a game of dice immediately after entering their new home. There is no doubt that this is an interesting and unusual aspect of Indian weddings. While the solemnity of the caremony is doubtedly preserved, there is an element of gaiety, of colour and laughter, which brings a special quality to every wedding.

And when the event is over, the music but a distant memory, all those closely associated with the wedding will still remember the laughter that echoes for ever and binds two families together.