A Family Affair

The Indian wedding in all its avatars is unique in one aspect-it is not merely a union of two people, but of two families. As such the role of key members of the family is clearly indicated in Hindu samskaras. While the parents of the bride and groom are always important in any wedding, few other weddings lay such great emphasis on the role of other members such as the maternal uncle(mama) of the bride, the brother of the bride and the sister of the groom.

In a Chettiar wedding, the maternal uncle of the bride ties on her right wrist a red cloth with a silver coin and piece of turmeric twisted in it. This is done before the arrival of the groom, and is an appeal to the Lord for his blessings on the marriage. This caremony is known as Bagavanam or kappu kattuthal. In almost all the Hindu weddings, the maternal uncle gifts the bride a sari which is worn for the wedding. In some cases it is the sari worn for some other important aspect of the marriage. In the weddings of Tamilnadu, he gifts the sari that is worn during the swing caremony. This is a critical aspect of the wedding and takes place just before the tying of the mangalsutra.

In some cases like the Gujarati wedding, the maternal uncle also gives the bride other important accessories such as ivory bangles. In Tamilnadu, he buys the metti or toe-ring which the bride wears as one of the symbols of marriage.

Another interesting caremony involving the maternal uncles of both the bride and groom is again from the weddings of Tamilnadu. These uncles assist the young couple in the exchange of garlands. This is an important caremony usually done in the midst of much banter and teasing. As the bride tries to garland the groom, his uncle pulls him away or even lifts him... good-naturally making it difficult for her. The girl's uncle does the same thing when his turn comes.

Many caremonies require the maternal uncle to escort the bride to the wedding hall. The Telugu wedding goes one step further. He actually carries the bride in a basket to the wedding hall. Undoubtedly he needs to be strong!

The sister of the groom is another person who plays a critical role during weddings. She is often given the job of welcoming the bride into the new family. Traditionally it was believed that the bride would perhaps feel most comfortable with her as she is likely to be similar in temperament and close in age. In the Sindhi wedding there is a caremony called sagri. Conducted the day before the wedding, it creates an environment for the bride to meet and mingle with the sister of the groom and other female members of the groom's family. During this caremony, the groom's sisters decorate the bride with flowers. These flowers are specially fashionised to resemble bangles, earnings and necklaces. The belief is that the girls from the two families will mingle in the midst of fun and fragrance.

In the south, the sister of the groom plays a critical role in tying of the mangalsutra. Traditionally the third knot is tied by her as she welcomes the bride to the new family. She also assists the bride tying the traditional nine-yard wedding sari. Her role in tying the mangalsutra is probably an indication of how important her presence is likely to be in the hew scheme of things. In many North Indian weddings, it is the sister of the bride who ties the bride's sari to the grooms pagdi using a pink or red chunni. This unites the couple during the caremony. In an interesting twist, it is the boy's sister who accompanies the couple to the wedding during the Sindhi caremony.

In some communities, the job of the sister is to keep shaking a metel pot covered with a white cloth. This pot contains coins and betel nut and makes a jingling sound. While some believe it is done to keep the groom awake during a late caremony, others say it is done to remind the groom about the step he is taking!

The brother of the bride is another important person in most Indian role he plays is that of filling the palms of the couple with puffed rice which is then offered to the sacred fire. In some communities, rice, oats and leaves subtitute the puffed rice. Interestingly this is one caremony that is more or less common to all kinds of weddings across the length and breadth of our country.

The caremony is to invoke the blessings of the Almighty on the marriage, while symbolically sacrificing all wordly possessions. Another belief is that the brother hands the bride over to her husband and tells her not to worry about her maternal family who are this responsibility.

Why do other members play such important parts in a caremony involving a couple? Why the element of fun and laughter? To understand this, one needs to understand the very basis of the Hindu marriage. Here weddings are not just the union of two people but the union of families. Traditionally, for a marriage to be successful, members of both families needed to get along with each other. In the days of joint families, the bride had to foit in with as little problem, as possible into a new and alien household. Thus these small caremonies played the role of an ice breaker-a chance for families to mingle in the midst of the fun and gaiety of a wedding.