The Key To Harmonious Relationships

Relationships-something we cannot do without. Bittersweet at times but a necessity for most of us. However, there are times when relationships with lovedones can test our patience, making us feel like throwing the towel in. This is especially so in a family situation-between spouses, in-laws or parents and children. With the stress of day-to-day living, today everyone is in a rush - runningoff to office, packing children off to school and completing seemingly endless chores. Add to that urbanisation, paucity of houshold help, work stress and lack of time, and it feels like one is sitting on a ticking timebomb that is just waiting to blow up in one's face.

So how does one keep relationships within the home peaceful and harmonious? A couple I know stress that the most important aspect is respect. Treat each and every member with respect- children included. We all may have tempers and tend to fly off the handle. However, this does not give one an excuse to turn verbally or physically abusive, particularly between husband and wife. Even children can be told off with a firm scolding, not a twenty minuite diatribe. Where inlaws are concerned, respect for elders has been ingranted in us from childhood anyway; one just needs to follow that.

Nagging - something many married men complain about, and something many women face from their mothers in law. Nagging can be terribly annoying to the recipient. In fact, in most cases, nagging just instills rebellion. If someone has to be told something, it does not have to be repeated over and over again - be firm about what one wants to convey. Most people find it difficult to refuse someone who has requested them something politely!

A leading counsellor says that a lor of relationships flounder because people bottle up emotions. A wife may stay slent when the mother-in-law nags or a child may sullenly look on as a parent rants and raves. Even between spouses, sometimes one chooses to remain silent in order to keep the peace. But bottling up emotions can be detrimental in the long run. We are human and we all need to express ourselves and our points of view. If you do not like or agree with something someone says, you don't have to raise your voice and get aggressive. But you can very firmly put your standpoint across. It definitely helps. Sometimes people are so set in theirways or their opinions. a polite rebuttal helps them to see another's perspective.

Very close on the heels to the former point comes the issue of sulking. Sulking only creates tension - for yourself and for those around you - because no one really knows how to deal with a sulker and the atmosphere in the house begins to weigh heavily with tension. Where children are concerned, it is best not to encourage sulking. If not, they grow up believing that the easiest means to get their way is to sulk. If inlaws sulk because they have not got their own way, deal with them firmly but politely. Explain your point-of-view, and if they still persist in sulking, just ignore it. The same applies to spouses. An important point that counsellors and psychologists bring up is dealing with fights. fights are bound to happen in amy family- when people of different temperaments, habits and tastes live together, disagreements are bound to surface. Nevertheless, parents should remember to avoid fighting in front of children. Sometimes fights, especially those of a more violent nature, can have a deep psychological impact on a young child. And fights among adults create tensions for children - they get scared, apprehensive and uncomfortable-spare them those feelings.

When a couple has a disagreement, as far as possible, do not go to sleep without making up. Even if the issue is not completely resolved, make it a point to make up. Sleeping over a fight creates added strain and you wake up in the morning stressed out and angry - not a good way to begin the day!

In the joint family system, many couples complain of interference from elders. If the situation is unbearable, move out to a place of your own. But if the situation is unbearable, move out to a place of your own. But if the situation can be salvaged, sit down and discuss it openly. There is no point in bottling it up. Be firm with elders and draw the boundaries of their levels of interference. In most cases excessive love is what causes this interference!.

Today, especially with overcrowding in the cities and in workplaces, we all value our space and privacy. This is something even family members need to take into account. In many families they believe that everything - be it letters or private files etc. should be shared and there should be no secrets. However, everyone is entitled to his or her own private space and each member of the household should respect that. Stepping on each other's toes, and delving into matters that are not one's concern only upsets the apple cart.

Every relationship has its hights and lows: they can be peaceful haven or a stormy sea - but in the end we all need them We need to be with people we love because all human beings crave love and caring. Relationships may seem tenuous or fragile, but with careful nuturing they can flourish, giving off a warm glow of love to all who come within its shelter.