A Tradition of Give and Take

The concept of giving gifts is an old one. The act of giving gifts during a wedding has symbolic interpretations for the happiness of the bride and groom. It is normal for families to exchange new clothes, sweets and even gifts of a tradition intended to promote acceptance and sharing.

Some of the items that are exchanged between the families of the bride and the groom are unusual, interesting and extremely symbolic. The Manipuri groom traditionally gifts livestock to the bride and her family. This gift of livestock is called mankhum and is considered an important part of the marriage. The giving of livestock was symbolic in an agricultural society and the gift was shared by the entire family of the bride.

Interestingly, the gift could be made at any time the groom's family was able to, and this could even be after the wedding caremony. The Maharastrian bride normally takes with her a small idol of the baby Krishna to symbolise fertility and one of Annapurna to symbolise food and prosperity.

In a plate, items in silver like a clove, a bitter gourd tree and a small mangalsutra called manimangal are given. The bitter gourd tree is believed to be a symbolic request from the mother of the bride to the family of the groom, to keep the girl happy and not overwork her.

The Bengali girl takes a fish decorated like a bride for the wedding. The fish is decorated with jewellery, sindhoor and a sari. In traditional Bengali society, a widowed lady usually never ate fish. Thus. this gesture is believed to be auspicious for the bride wishing her a long and happy ever after.

To the South Indian thinking, the bride is the Goddess Lakshmi of the house and brings with her a kuthuvillaku-a traditional lamp. The lamp has a lot of symbolism and has over the years become a central element in any household. According to the scriptures, the kuthuvillaku symbolises the Thrimurthis-Brahma, Vishnu and Siva. The base stands for Brahma, the stem for Vishnu and the head for Shiva.

The five faces of the lamp are believed to symbolise love, caution, determination, tact and the ability to adjust. These shine together as the symbol of a perfect bride. The lamp also requires three elements to light it-the oil, the wick and fire. Said together in Tamil, it is ennai,thiri,thee. In Tamil, the words also mean "please reform me." Thus the prayer made every time the lamp is lit, is a fervent plea to the Lord to "show me the light."

Another interesting South Indian custom is the giving of the conical"parupu thenga" The possible symbolism lies in the jaggery that binds the two elements. The belief is that the marriage too should bind the bride and groom is a happy and pleasant union. The thenga or cocunut is believed to be a whole product in that it is of use in every way, and every part of it finds use. Parupu or dhal is the protein necessary for life. The bride and groom are likened to this cocunut and dhal each different but both equally important.

The conical shape of this parupu thenga is the traditional reaching to the Heavens. Since time immemorial, the cone, the pyramid and the spire have been a symbol of upliftment and better things.

The very act of giving gifts has long been a symbol of acceptance. When the bride is given a sari by the parents of the groom, they welcome her to their home and she by accepting and wearing the sari symbolically gives her consent. As Indian weddings are not merely between bride and groom, but the union of two families, gifts are exchanged all around in a symbolic acceptance of each other.

Another interesting South Indian custom is the "vilayadal thatu."

Traditionally a tray of gifts kept by the sister of the groom for the bride, this has many connotations. In the olden days of child marriages, toys were kept to attract the bride to the wedding. Also, the sister of the groom is supposed to symbolically offer to share her brother with the new bride.

Many of the rituals in Indian weddings are based on the scriptures like Vedas. Some of them have their origin in a creative rational. Perhaps they began with the desire to express a feeling or a thought. As the idea was imitated over the years, the action became accepted and even became a convention.

Over time, many of these conventions have passed down to us. Some have become distorted and hide the original purpose or idea. Some have become unusual but interesting fecets of the wedding caremony. Time and repetition over generations has lent sanctity to these conventions. But convensions or ritual, the concept of exchanging gifts is an almost universal act of mutual acceptance- a relationship between individuals and families.