The Well-being of the Family

The marriage done, the couple embarks on a relationship that encompasses every facet of life. Traditionally the man is seen as central to the relationship and critical for the well being of the family. In this context, the women perform a number of pujas to pray for the longevity and welfare of the husband. The belief is that in the welfare and prosperity of the husband,lies the happiness of the wife and the family.

Among these pujas a popular one in the south is the Karadaya nombu or the Savithri nombu. The puja is based on the puranic story of Savitri and Satyavan. Savitri was the daughter of King Ashrapati who allowed her to go in search of a husband and choose for herself. She choose Satyavan the son of a deposed king who was living in the forest. Sage Narada intervened and tried to change her mind as Satyavan was fated to die within a year.

Savitri refused to be dissuaded and the marriage was held. On the fated day, she accompanied Satyavan into the forest where he soon fell asleep and Yama the God of Death arrived to take his soul away.

Savitri followed Yama and pleased with her persistence offered her a boon. She asked for hundred sons and Yama granted her the wish. It was then that Savitri caught him on a technicality. How was she to have a hundred sons with no husband? Yama had no choice but to restore Satyavan's life and the couple lived happily ever after. Savitri is thus regarded as a symbol of conjugal fidelity and one who had the courage to follow her husband to the jaws of death add bring him back alive. The belief is that Savitri prepared a sweet(adai) of rice flour, jaggery and butter and offered it to the Lord as a thanksgiving. So on this day, a similar preparation is made and offered to the Gods. Then with the prayer"Urugadha vennayum Oradayum Naan Nootren Marukkamal Enakku Mangalyam Tha."(with unmelted butter and one adai I do this puja. Without refusing me grant my prayer for mangalyam-a happy and long marriage). With this a yellow thread is tied around the neck as a symbol of continued marital happiness. The Karva Chauth is a popular fast observed by the women of Uttar Pradesh. On this day the women fast without even drinking water untill the moon is seen. This is observed for the prosperity and longevity of the husband.

A story is told of the significance of this fast. A long, long time ago, seven brothers and their sister lived in a village. The sister religiously observed the Karva Chauth fast. Her brothers were unable to bear the sight of their sister fasting. So they climbed up a tree and suspended a moon like object from it. Their sister thinking the moon had risen her fast. A short while later her husband died.

The sister discovered the deception practiced on her by her brothers and was grief-striken. She kept her husband's body and fasted everyday for a year. At the end of the year she revived her husband by feeding a mixture of raw milk, water and sugar. On the day of this Puja, and idol of Parvati called Gowrima is made and decorated. A new sari is usually gifted to the mother-in-law or any other married lady.

The sindhis observe Teejri for the well being of their husbands. This falls on the third day of the moonlit fortnight of the month of sravan. On the eve of this day,

women apply mehendi on their hands. They wake before sunrise and eat something. From then on they are not allowed to drink even water untill they have prayed to Teejri mata. Green gram is sprouted in a wide plate. A mixture of sugar and water is poured into this and the ladies drink a little of this mixture. From then on, they are allowed to drink water. In the evening before sunset a puja is done again and the pandits wife's or an older married lady tells of the significance of this fast. The tale is similar to the one of Karva Chauth. Following this puja, they stop drinking water again till the sight the moon. Prasad is then distributed and the fast broken. A number of smaller pujas are also done to pray for the well being of the husband. Many of these are also done by young girls of marriageable age to pray for a good and prosperous husband. It is significant that the well-being of husband and family is the primary consideration of the wife. It is she who not only nurtures and cares for them at a physical level, but it is also she who prays for them and ensures happiness at a more spiritual level.

It is easy to regard this as a chauvinistic attitude emphasizing the importance of the husband. After all few pujas are done by husbands for the well being of their wives!

However, it is essential to look beyond the obvious. While the husband's well being is considered central to the happiness of the family, it is the wife who plays the critical role behind the scenes, caring, nurturing and praying for them. These rituals recognize the strength of the woman and her inner commitment to family and happiness for ever after.